Difficult Conversations

Now into my third year as an administrator I am finding that I often have difficult conversations with people. Sometimes people that I speak with get very emotional and "lose it" so to speak. I have found that these conversations are no fun, are often unexpected, and one has to think quickly on their feet.

In these conversations, I have to fight the urge to engage in an escalating argument with an upset person, especially when I don't agree. I do believe that the key is to listen to others point of view and to allow the person to vent their concerns. Also, one should allow upset individuals to express their views and ask what they expect from you.  Once you do this, your point of view or stance can be expressed. It is vital at this stage to anticipate questions by the party to eliminate the possibility of bringing emotion back into the conversation.

As a leader one should listen before speaking and then think about what you are going to say before you say it. No one likes these conversations and often they are very difficult because emotion becomes involved. In my opinion, the key is to remove the emotion as much as possible. While this is hard, it is a part of the process that is necessary to resolve others concerns. The other very important technique is to listen to the others point of view and allow them to fully express their views.

A reflective conversation is the best type of conversation. One where you are allowed to think without emotion. Once you remove emtion, then you can engage in productive communication that works to resolve the other parties concerns. By allowing the person to express their views I find that it tends to de-escalte tension and resolves much of the emotion. This often produces a way to resolve the source of frustrations for the individual or individuals that you are talking to.